Hello! Welcome to the vocabulary lesson for Double-Standard. Let's get started. First, in the title says, “family is uneasy when one sister dates others ex-lover”.
“Uneasy”. “Uneasy” means uncomfortable, an uncomfortable feeling. it's a… it's not a specific feeling, it just means a… a little bit uncomfortable, not quite right, some thing’s a little wrong. So you say, “Oh I feel uneasy!” It doesn't mean… it's not a strong emotion. It's kind of a week emotion. Just means “Oh something's not right”. You feel a little bit uncomfortable.
Sometimes people will use this word to describe their stomach. Maybe they eat too much food, and say, “oh my stomach feels a little uneasy!” Alright, its feel a little uncomfortable. It's not you're.. not seriously sick but it's just a little bit bad. So, here's his family is an easy. It just means the family's not really, really, really upset, but they feel uncomfortable because one sister is dating another sister’s ex-lover. Okay.
That's (ahmmm..) going to the letter now. This woman's writing about and her sister Jane and she says, “Jane has.. had numerous affairs…”
“Numerous” means many. Numerous is.. many. So, she says “many affairs over the past several years”. Now “affairs” usually means… an affair usually means that you are dating somebody but you're also already married, or you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend but, then, you're dating another person secretly usually. That's usually what affair means. To have an affair. However, in this letter, it does not mean that (Ahm..) this woman's a little bit older. His writing this letter, and, so affairs what she means is just (ahmm ahhmm..) lovers. So this woman is dating other people having boyfriends and he's having sex with the boyfriends. So she says “affairs” to mean boyfriends and having sex.
And you know again at San that's kinda van word that (ahmm..) older people might use in this situation. I think most are younger people (ahmm..) would not use the word “affair” to describe that. They would just say “boyfriends” or “dates”.
Okay, but anyway.. (Ahmm..) moving on and she said that (Ahm..) after her third divorce; her sister’s third divorce, she was involved in an intimate relationship with a man named Will.
“Intimate relationship” means a.. (ahmm..) a.. serious (ahmm..) boyfriend or girlfriend. “Intimate” means close, emotionally close. So, you're… you're.. you're… have a strong feelings for each other. An intimate relationship also has the idea that (ahmm..) sex is involved. You're having sex with each other, but it's more than just that. Sex is involved, but also emotional connection, too. So intimate relationship with Will. So, she.. she had a close relationship with this man, named Will.
And it lasted about three months.
Now to “last” when used as a verb means to continue, or to continue until. So “lasted about three months” it means it continued for three months; continued until three months and then finished. So it gives the idea duration how long something happens. Ahmm.. “the movie lasted two hours”, it means it was two hours long. Alright. The past tense (ahmm..) normal form in the verb is to “last”.
Alright, and then after three months they broke up and her sister decided it wasn't what she was looking for.
“Wasn’t what she was looking for”. Or “isn't what she is looking for”, or “isn't what I am looking for”, it means (ahm..) not what you want, not what she wants. So, “it wasn't what she was looking for”, it means this man, Will was not the kind of guy she wanted. Not the guy she wanted; not what she was looking for. So, “not what you're looking for” means not what you want.
Okay. And that is the end of the first paragraph. Willing to the second paragraph, this woman now, the woman is writing me (ahh..) the letter. She started to date Will after her sister broke up with Will. Then this new woman, the one is writing the letter, she started dating Will. And (ahm..) she actually said that she had dated Will in the past, before her sister Jane had become involved with him.
To become involved with someone means to start dating them. So, you might say, (ahmm..) “I am involved with her”, it means I am dating her her. Or you might say, “I became involved with her two months ago”, it means you started dating her two months ago. So, to become involved with somebody means to start dating them.
Okay and then.. next sentence she says, “we weren't intimate at that time”.
Okay, so she’s saying in the past, in the far past her and Will we're not intimate. Now in this case, “intimate” again. It does have an emotional idea of being very close emotionally. But it definitely has a sexual idea, here, in this situation, “we weren't intimate at that time”, means they weren't kissing each other, they weren't having sex, they.. it was.. it wasn’t a intimate relationship. Alright. They were dating but maybe just casually, not so serious in the far past. And then her sister, Jane started to date Will. And Jane and Will broke up. And then finally this woman started to date Will again. (Kinda complicated American dating situation in this letter.)
Alright. So, she says (ahhh..), “this time we start to dating again. And this time we have fallen in love”.
To “fall in love” means to start feeling love for somebody. Romantic love.
Okay. And then she says.. her problem, there's always a problem in these letters, “my problem is that Jane is upset that I'm dating Will. She says I have betrayed her.”
To betray someone means that they are your friend or your family, or they are on your side, and then you do something bad to them, you cheat them or hurt them. And we say this is… “betrayal” is the noun. The verb is to “betray”. So, to betray somebody it means they were your friend, they wear your close, a family member, they trusted you and you cheated them or lied to them, or did something bad to them. So, you cannot betray enemy. Alright. it's.. it’s somebody hates you and you hate them, and you do something bad to them. That's not… that's not betray, right? Because they know you want.. you hate them. Hhhhhhh.. It’s somebody who likes you, and you like them, but then you do something bad, and they're surprised. That’s “betray”, the verb to “betray”.
Okay! So her sister, Jane thinks, “Oh, you betrayed me! You’re dating my ex-boyfriend!”
Alright. And then she said that her family also (ahmm..) feels uncomfortable. They say it's weird, it's strange. “Weird” means strange. It’s strange that she's dating her sister's ex-boyfriend.
Alright. Finally she says (ahh..), I have always been the good girl in the family and I have bowed to their pressure,
To bowed to pressure. Bow to someone's pressure, or bow to the pressure it means that you do something that other people want you to do. “Pressure” means people are telling you to do something.
For example, (Ahm..) you say, (now…ahmm…): “AJ, AJ go to the store”, “AJ go to the store, go to the store, go to the store”.
I’m say: “Oahmm.. No, I'm tired. I don't want to go to the store.”
– “Go to the store, go to the store, go to the store..”.
You keep telling me, you are pressuring me. Using it as a ver pressuring me, pressuring me “Go! Go! Go! Go!”
And finally I say, “Okay. I'll go to the store. I bow to your pressure.”
Alright. You're telling me to do something. I don't want to do it, “no, no, no”, and finally I say “okay I will do what you want me to do”. We call that bowing to pressure. To bow to pressure.
So she said… you know, when her family complains, she usually bows to their pressure, she does what they want her to do. Even if she'd really doesn't want to, she'll do what they want. She bows to their pressure. But she says, “this time will is special..” Something special and this time she won't budge. And she says also that her parents and her sister won't bugde.
Okay. “Won't budge” means won’t move or won't change. “Budge”. To budge means to move, and it really means to move a little bit. To move a little bit. So it's a there's a big big a rock, huge rock. And you're pushing it (gruhhhhh…) you’re trying to move it. You're pushing it, pushing, pushing it.. (ughhhhh). But it doesn't move, not at all, not one centimeter.
Then you can say, “Oh, this rock won't budge”, “This rock won't move. Not even a little bit.” So it won't move at all. But we also used.. now we also use “budge” to mean change. Change your mind, change your opinion. So, you say, “I won't budge”, it means you will not change your opinion, not at all , not even a little bit. He won't compromise, nothing.
Alright. So that is… and she signs it, wants, will in Walla Walla, Washington. Walla Walla, Washington. Walla Walla is the town in Washington State. (In the northwest part of america). And (uhhh…) this time, I'm… I including Abby's answer. I usually don't. So I want you to think about your own answer, but this time including it has some good slang.
In (uhh..) her answer she says that she needs to confront the double standard in the family.
To “confront” means to (ahh…) go against, to directly fight against, or directly argue with something. To confront means you don't avoid it. And a “double standard” which (uhhh…) I'm using for the title of this letter, a “double standard” means you have two different rules, for different people. It's not… it's not a fair situation. For example, there's one rule for Jane in a different rule for the sister. So Jane is okay. She can date many guys. No problem. Her family says it's okay. It doesn't bother them. But then the other sister, if she dates many guys, they criticize her. They complain, they say, “Oh, you shouldn't date so many guys. So jane can date guys, the other sister cannot.
It's a double standard, right? “Double” meaning “to”. “Standard” means “rule”. So “to rules”, “one rule” for one person, a different rule for someone else.
Ahh.. In my family.. Well, we would complain about this a lot in my family. It Might me and my sister. (Ahmm..) I was the oldest child… Still in the oldest child and ahmm.. my sister was younger, of course, and a girl, too. So sometimes my parents let me do somethings but they would not let my sister do it. So I could go out with my friends until midnight. That was my role. But, then my sister, they told her, “you must be back by 10” and she would get angry and say, “this isn't fair! This is a double standard!” Alright. There's a different rule for AJ and me. It's a double-standard not the same rule.
Alright, then we keep moving and (ahh..) we see the word “worldly” she says, “the parents…”, “your parents are worldly”.
“Worldly” means “experienced”. It means you have a lot of experience in the world. You know about the world, it's the opposite of naïve. We had naive in an earlier lesson. So “worldly” is the opposite of naïve. It means you.. for you have a lot of experience, you know about the real world.
And we see the phrase “turned a blind eye to”.
To “turn a blind eye to something” means you ignore it. You ignore it, you don't look at it, you don't think about it, you don't talk about it. If you turn a blind eye to something it means “are you ignore it!” Yo..you don't… you pretended it's not there. So (Uhmm..) they have turned a blind eye to Jane's dating. It means they've ignored her dating. So they can also do this for the new sister.
Alright. And then the last paragraph of the answer, ahmm.. she says “everyone should be able to get past it”.
To get past something, well, there's a direct meaning which means you.. you're moving and you pass. It means you go ahead of something, or you go by something. But usually using it in a general life to get past a relationship. For example, it means you are… you… the problem is gone. The problem is gone. The problem is finished. So you say, “Oh, the parents had a problem with this situation but they will get past it.” It means they will solve the problem, they will relax , hey will stop worrying about it.
So to… And if you say.. Ahmm.. maybe you had a relationship and you broke up, and you’re very upset, “Ohh huh! Huh!h huh!” You’re upset! But then six months later you feel okay. You can say, “Ah, I'm finally passed the relationship.” Or “finally passed feeling sad.” Means you.. It's gone now. You don't feel sad and terrible anymore.
And then the final sentence we see the phrase “people pleaser”. Abby says: “you don't need to be a people pleaser all of your life.”
A people pleaser.. “Please” means to make happy. So a “people pleaser” is someone who always tries to make other people happy. They never make themselves happy, they just try to please other people. Always do what other people want. But never what they want. That's a people pleaser.
Alright, that is all of the vocabulary for this “dear Abby, letter”. Go on to the mini-story and listen to this a few times if you need to.
Oh and I almost forgot we have a contest right now. A remix contest. What I want you to do is that download a vocabulary lesson then edit it. You can change it. You can add music. You can add stuff in your own language. You can do anything you want. You can cut parts. But edit it. You can use audacity software which is free. Do a Google
search for audacity: A-U-D-I-A-C- I- T- Y. And “remix” means a reach change my ahhm… a vocabulary lesson. Try to make it better. Okay! Bye-bye
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